Six Books to Return to the Mill

What book would you pulp and, more importantly, what book would you reconjure from the pulpage?

Following the news that Turner Prize-nominated artist David Shrigley has pulped 6,000 copies of Dan Brown’s best-seller The Da Vinci Code and republished them as George Orwell’s novel 1984, I’ve been thinking what books I’d like to see pulped, and what they should be turned into.

This is my list (some of which I acknowledge are controversial, but I included the more respectable titles because I detested reading them in school).

1: Fifty Shades of Grey (Fifty Shades, #1)
by E.L. James
(Simply just too insufficient, subpar, and empty to be bothered with!)
Replace with: Delta of Venus, by Anais Nin

2: Ulysses
by James Joyce
(It’s a pot full of words that has been overturned to spew-out nonsense!)
Replace with: Mrs. Dalloway, by Virginia Woolf

3: Little Women
by Louisa May Alcott
(I loathed reading this in class and now I want to get even by having it pulped!)
Replace with: The Nightingale, by Kristin Hannah

4: Lord of the Flies
by William Golding
(I despised it in school and want my retribution!)
Replace with: Scar Island, by Dan Gemeinhart

5: How To Get Rich
by Donald J. Trump
(I never read it but it goes into the pulper because because!)
Replace with: 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People, by Stephen R. Covey

6: Black Beauty
Anna Sewell
(When I was eight years old, a used copy of this book was given to me on my birthday, from my aunt. It was the first hardcover book I ever owned, aside from prayer books and the Bible. It was everything I detested in a book. It was long, hefty to hold in small hands, and unsatisfactory. I didn’t even enjoy the jacket’s dull appearance or the musty smell of the pages. The saddest thing was that my aunt thought it was a “good book” for me!)
Replace with: Horse, by Geraldine Brooks

Agree? Disagree? Which books are you interested in having pulped and transformed into something new?

---

Curiosity Killed the Chicken, a recent crime thriller by Neil Mach, poses the question: can a person with channelled aggressive personality disorder make a successful police officer? Is it possible for someone who is incredibly insensitive and competitive to ever become a competent investigator? Should someone who has no respect for personal space and an intolerance for those who are weaker than them work in the police?